Leadership · Proving to Growing
The one-to-one
You have a regular conversation with each of your people, and it's theirs.
Worth reading first: Digging deeper, Situational leadership
Does this sound familiar?
- You only talk to your people when something's wrong.
- Someone keeps dropping by all day with quick questions, and you never get to your own work.
- The performance review is the only time you really talk, and then everything comes out at once.
- Your one-to-one is a run-through of what's done and what's still open.
Who it's for, and when
For founders and managers with people who report directly to them. It starts to matter once you no longer work alongside everyone every day, and you only hear about a problem when it's already big. If you can't fit in the conversations with everyone any more, that's a sign you need a layer in between.
The model
A one-to-one is a regular conversation between you and someone who reports directly to you. Every week or every two weeks, half an hour, at a fixed time. Grove calculated that this half hour saves you a lot of time: quick questions get saved up, and you hear what's going on before it becomes a problem.
The meeting belongs to the employee. They bring their points, you listen, ask follow-up questions and help. Your points come after. Anything that comes up later in the performance review has already been said once in a one-to-one.
What you do in the conversation is covered in other lessons. Listening until you know what's really going on is Digging deeper. If they bring a problem that wants to land on your desk, that's Who's got the monkey? How much direction they need for each task is something you agree here, as in the lesson Situational leadership. This lesson is about the meeting itself: how often, in what order, and what you write down.
Andy Grove, CEO of Intel, in High Output Management (1983). He saw the one-to-one as the employee's meeting: they set the agenda, the manager listens and asks follow-up questions. Kim Scott (Radical Candor, 2017) and Manager Tools built on it.
1. How are you, really?
Five minutes. The first time, you get the polite answer. Ask again, more calmly, and wait. This is where you hear that someone's stuck, or thinking about leaving.
2. Their points
Most of the time. What's on their mind, what are they running into, what do they need from you? You ask follow-up questions, and only give advice when they ask for it.
3. Your points
What you want to say: some praise, something you noticed, a change that's coming. Short and specific.
4. Agreements
One or two, each with who does what. Write them down and start with them next time.
Pitfalls
A status update
What's done and what isn't is on the board. Fill the one-to-one with that and there's no time left for what isn't on it.
Moving it when you're busy
Every time you move it, you're saying other things matter more than they do. At most, move it to another slot in the same week, and never drop it.
You do most of the talking
If you talk for more than half the time, it's become your meeting. Keep an eye on it next time.
Watch and read
Kim Scott on the signs your one-to-ones aren't working, like an employee with no agenda or one who keeps cancelling.
Watch on YouTubeWhy a regular conversation with each of your people is the foundation of managing.
Watch on YouTubeTo go further
An episode of Kim Scott's podcast on the one-to-one as the meeting where the employee does the talking. Long, for those who want more.
Watch on YouTubeRead
High Output Management
Andrew S. Grove · 1995 · ISBN 9780679762881
This is where the one-to-one comes from; the chapter on it is short and still useful. This ISBN is the second edition.
View the bookApply it
- 1
Fix it in the diary
Every week or every two weeks, half an hour, always at the same time. With everyone who reports directly to you, including the ones who are doing well.
- 2
The first time, say what it's for
Use the opening line below. Say you do it with everyone, or they'll think something's wrong.
- 3
Keep a note for each person
Use the template below. Then you don't have to remember anything, and you can look back later at what was going on.
- 4
Start with last time's agreements
What happened with them? You're asking to hear what got in the way, not to check up on them.
- 5
Listen first
On their points, keep asking until you understand what's going on, before you suggest anything.
Digging deeper - 6
Leave their work with them
If they bring a problem, ask what they suggest and what their next step is. Don't take it onto your own list.
Who's got the monkey?
Examples
Ready to use: a half-hour agenda
0 to 5 minutes: how are you, really? 5 to 20 minutes: their points, starting with last time's agreements. 20 to 25 minutes: your points. 25 to 30 minutes: agreements, read back out loud and written down. If their points run over, yours move to next time or to a separate slot. Never the other way round.
Ready to use: a note for each person
One document per employee, newest date at the top. Four headings for each meeting. Last time's agreements: what happened with them? Their points. Your points. Agreements: who does what, and by when. Share the document with them, so they can add their points during the week and you're both reading the same agreements.
Ready to use: the opening line for the first time
'From now on we'll have half an hour together every Tuesday. I do this with everyone. It's your meeting: you decide what it's about. Bring whatever's on your mind, whatever you're running into, or whatever you need from me. I'll bring a few points too, and they come after yours. We can see how the work's going on the board, so we don't need to spend time on that here.'
Ready to use: when they've got 'nothing'
Pick one, ask it calmly and wait. What was on your mind most this week? What are you proud of since last time? What's taking you more time than it should right now? What would you do differently if you were in my shoes? What could I do, or stop doing, to make your work easier? What are you dreading in the coming month? If they say 'nothing' a few times in a row, ask what they think of the meeting itself.
A team leader with six people
Six half hours every Tuesday morning. Within a month, far fewer people were dropping by with quick questions during the week: they saved them for Tuesday.
An experienced engineer who has 'nothing'
After three weeks of 'nothing', his manager asks what he's not looking forward to in the coming month. It turns out he's been waiting six months for an answer about a training course, and he's thinking about moving to another company.
Do this in your own business
Everything up to here is free. What you fill in for your own business, you keep in Boldcaster.
- You look back on a situation from your own work. Only you can read what you write.
- You set a date with yourself, and on that day the app asks how it went.
- You assign the lesson to your team and see who has done it.
- The quiz counts towards your progress, and you see which lesson comes next.
Four weeks free. You'll land straight in this lesson.
Quiz
6 situations. You need 5 of 6 right. You can try again at any time.
1.It's a busy week. What do you do with your one-to-ones?
2.You have five points for Sanne, she has two. How do you split the half hour?
3.Your one-to-one with Joost is always about which tasks are done. What's wrong?
4.An employee says for the third time that he's got nothing. What do you do?
5.In the last one-to-one you agreed he'd call a difficult client. Two weeks later you don't know if it happened. What would have prevented this?
6.An employee helped a client really well, but also keeps arriving late to meetings. Where do you raise it?
Nothing is saved here. In the app, the quiz counts towards your progress.
Read next
- A meeting that's about something · Your weekly meeting, team meeting and monthly meeting each have a fixed agenda with timings, and every meeting ends with decisions that have an owner, and with what you'll tell your people.
- The performance review · You hold a conversation about someone's work where nothing comes as a surprise and everything ends up on paper.
- Keeping your manager on board · Your manager hears what they need to know in time, bad news included, and knows what you need from them.
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